MA R R I A G E ....LONG LIFE RELATION

2007-11-17T04:30:00.001-08:00

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MARRIAGES ARE MADE IN HEAVEN

2007-11-16T10:21:00.001-08:00

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS

2007-11-16T10:19:00.000-08:00

In today's world, marriages are under attack. Whether it is challenges within the relationship, a cheating partner, or the stress of the outside world, keeping a marriage alive can become a challenge.

I was in a 15 year marriage and, unfortunately, it fell apart. While there was no infidelity, the love we had vanished. Looking back on it, there were signs early that could have prevented this from happening. We should have been more open to one another, more available to discuss the challenges we were having, etc. Alas, it was not so, and we drifted apart and became roommates, rather than the soul mates we should have been.

It is not necessary for this to happen. Even if you are the sole person in the marriage that wants to make it work, you can do so. There are techniques that when used will allow the "problems" to be worked out and can save your marriage.

I have spent time looking at such techniques because I am marrying again soon. She is the love of my life, a true soul mate, and I do not want the same pattern to reoccur this time around. Further, I want others to benefit from the discoveries I have made.

It's not impossible to change the things that are wrong. A little attention to details, being open to looking at the signs of impending marital doom can save a marriage, bring it back to the days of early love and friendship. Are there issues of unresolved conflict, child issues, money problems, lack of intimacy, constant fighting? Want to know how to fix this?I can not help you, only you can help you. However, I can help you to overcome some of the challenges you are finding in your relationship. If you desire, deep down, to save your marriage, I urge you to stay tuned, as I will bring you methods that work, secrets to rekindling the love you once had.

HOW TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE

2007-11-16T10:17:00.000-08:00

Each year in America alone, nearly 1 million marriages end in divorce. This is an incredible number! That would be as if all the citizens of Houston Texas were divorced (each divorce leaves 2 people).

The question is how many of those marriages could be saved. Unfortunately, that is an invisible number. If your marriage stays together, it is hard to find in the statistics. As Marian Wright Edelman wrote, statistics are stories with the tears washed off. Can your marriage be saved? If I could answer that, I would be a wealthy man. I can tell you that if your marriage is in trouble and you do nothing, the outcome is guaranteed. If you do something, there is a much better chance that your marriage will be saved.

And I can tell you, in four simple steps what you can do to save your marriage. You can start right now. But you must understand that I said "simple." That is not the same as "easy." These steps are not easy. They do, however, give you a path that you must follow if you want to change the destiny of a marriage in trouble.

Here are the 4 steps:

1) Quit the blame game. Stop blaming your spouse and stop blaming yourself. This is the first step because marriages get frozen into a pattern of blame that immobilizes any prospect of progress. Instead, the momentum gets dragged down and down.

Blame is our way of avoiding seeing ourselves clearly. It is much easier to point the finger somewhere and say "It's their fault." But in marriage, you can just as easily turn that pointing finger on yourself and place the blame there, saying "it's all my fault." Unfortunately, blame feels good in the short-term, but in the long-term, it prevents any shift or change. So, even if you can make a long list of why you or your spouse should be blamed, forget it. Even if that list is factual, it will not help you put your marriage back together. Blame is the fuel of divorces.

2) Take responsibility. Decide you can do something. Change always begins with one person who wants to see a change. Understand that taking responsibility is not the same as taking the blame (see above).

Instead, blame is saying "regardless of who is at fault, there are some things I can do differently, and I am going to do them." What buttons do you allow your spouse to push? What buttons do you push with your spouse? Decide not to allow those buttons to be pushed and stop pushing the buttons. What amazes me in my counseling is that everyone knows what they should be doing or not doing. But it is difficult to move in that direction. Don't be caught in that. Decide that you will take action.

The difference between blame and responsibility is this: if I am in a burning building, I can stand around trying to figure out who started the blaze, why it has spread so quickly, and who I am going to sue when it is over (blame), or I can get myself and anyone else I can out of that building (taking responsibility). When a marriage is in trouble, the house is on fire. How will you take action to save the marriage?

3) Get resources from experts. If others have been helped, you can be, too. Experts with a great deal more perspective and experience can be a real help in these situations. Do your research and divide the useless from the useful, then take advantage of the useful.

Don't assume that your situation is so different from every other situation. I can tell you that after 20-some years of providing therapy, not too much new comes through my doors. Don't get me wrong; the story changes, but the dynamics are the same.

Remember what Albert Einstein said, "The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them." In other words, what got you into trouble will not get you out of trouble. That requires a whole new level of thinking. And that is what you get from an outside expert, someone with a fresh perspective.

4) Take action. More damage is done by doing nothing by taking a misstep. It is too easy to get paralyzed by the situation. Therapists often talk about "analysis paralysis." This occurs when people get so caught up in their churning thoughts and attempts to "figure things out" that they never take action.

It is not enough to simply understand what is causing the problem. You must then act! On a daily basis, I find people coming to my office with the belief that if they can just understand their problem, it will resolve itself. That simply does not happen. Resolution of the situation takes action.

Will your marriage be saved? If you follow my suggestions, you have infinitely more opportunity for saving your marriage than if you do nothing. Marriage is one of those places where it takes two to make it work, but only one to really mess things up. You can only do your part, but many times, that is enough. Resolve not to ask the question but to begin to act.

Are you ready to take action? Grab the best-selling resource on the internet for saving marriages: Save The Marriage, Even If Only You Want It!

INSTRUMENTS OF A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

2007-11-16T10:14:00.000-08:00

From earliest times of the ritual of marriage, couples were sent away with music of various instruments. Music is a major part of people's lives and often music is a big part of people's careers. If we compare musical instruments to the characteristics of a successful marriage, we find the keys to a lasting relationship.

Instruments that can represent the keys to success are cymbals, violin, harp, piano, and trumpet. A couple whose goal is success will work together to make beautiful music that will last up to and beyond the passing of a spouse.

Musical cymbals represent the harmony that is needed throughout marriage. You will find there are many factors that will affect the harmony of your marital roles. Changeable conditions like health, family unit members, environment, socioeconomic level, or personal aspirations can be like clanging cymbals. In an orchestra, conductors must blend cymbals to harmonize with the other instruments. A couple must work together to synchronize their roles as wife and husband. As you strive together with love, you will find harmony. Without harmony, you will be like two cymbals clanging.

The violin represents commitment. When you take your marriage vows, take them with the idea that your marriage will last into eternity. In making a commitment to marriage, the two individuals must blend together for success. A violinist depends upon a bow and a violin to make beautiful music. The bow and the violin are completely different. The bow has a function that is separate from the violin. Yet, the two parts perform together to produce a melodious sound. It is the same in marriage. You have different backgrounds, ideas and talents. However, it will take both of you to make the beautiful music of a successful marriage.

A harp symbolizes love. Love in marriage is like playing pleasing music on a harp with strings. A maestro is motivated by the love of the sound to practice many long hours to perfect his skill. In marriage love motivates the good manners of kindness and patience within marriage. Take notice of the little things that you love about one another. Recall these loving actions when things do not go the way you would prefer and when you seem to be clashing cymbals. Be willing to make sacrifices to keep your love strong. Loving gestures will reflect in the music of your marriage. During a musical performance, an audience often judges a musician's love of playing the harp by the expression on his or her face. Without ever saying a word, the maestro reveals his or her pleasure with the musical sound. In the similar way, couples that love each other will show their happiness and fulfillment in their actions and their faces, as well as their words. Disparaging remarks about your partner in front of other people is like a harp out of tune. When a spouse grows weary showing love to the other, often marriage will be discarded in divorce. Marriage partners are like a musician that plays melodious harp music; they reflect love and pleasure for one another.

Communication in marriage is often like playing a piano or organ with many different sounding notes. If a musician plays a wrong note or key on a piano, the listener is not pleased. In marriage if partners do not have open and frank communication with each other and God, the marriage will go off key and will suffer. Avoid worrying over the little things in marriage. Talk about problems. Discuss children, financial concerns, career changes and spiritual matters. Consider each other's opinion. Reflect upon the value of having someone to share your most important events in life. Open communication and careful planning often eliminates worry and anxiety and avoids the distasteful sound of wrong notes.

The trumpet of marriage unity makes a successful sound for a couple. Often a trumpet is played to show respect or reverence of someone's life. It has been said that a person often toots his/her own horn. In marriage, two must unify and merge into one family unit. You should seek to toot the horn of success together. When you are united through the bond of matrimony, seek the will of God in all your decisions. Call upon Him in Jesus' name to provide you with wisdom and guidance. Unify with politeness, forgiveness and kindness to one another. Show respect for your marriage partner. Proclaim the victory of your success by being respectful and honorable to one another. Be like a musician with a trumpet that sounds loudly and clearly.When a couple exchanges vows amid music and shouts of joyous celebration, two individuals are starting a new life together. As a family unit, they are like musicians performing a harmonious and melodious new song music with their instruments. Musical instruments like cymbals, harp, piano, violin, and trumpet can remind couples of the characteristics for a successful marriage. The sweet sounds of harmony, commitment, love, communication and unity are the instruments of a successful marriage.

COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN

2007-11-16T10:12:00.000-08:00

It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.

This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don't know the first place to begin searching.

Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? "You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better"

I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I'm very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to "organize yourself better" really hurt.

I don't expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that "I don't expect you to cook my dinner every night" was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.

So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn't perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me.

Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.

PROPOSING MARRIAGE – FIFTY CREATIVE WAYS TO GET HER TO SAY YES

2007-11-16T10:08:00.000-08:00

Many young men get into a twist when considering how to propose to their intended. This list is meant to offer some lighthearted support, and get their creativity sparkling like the diamond they are handing over.

1. Write it in lemon juice on paper. It disappears until warmed. You can say "Look, there's something written here"....heat it over a candle and "Presto", instant proposal

2. Do it at half-time, on-field, at a sporting event/theatre

3. In disguise wearing a costume that means something to you both

4. Get her to find the ring embedded in a favourite meal

5. Have the ring delivered by an express mail service at your table in a restaurant.

6. Have the ring delivered by her favourite celeb (might be costly, but most celebs are up for a photo opportunity )

7. If you have enough advance warning, get an author to write your proposal cunningly into a book you can buy, and be beside her as she reads it.

8. In weightless conditions

9. Record yourself proposing on video and get it spliced into the latest blockbuster movie on video/DVD, then snuggle up together to watch.

10. Find a tech buddy that can send interrupts to your TV signal or radio and do some creative splicing to propose "live" on TV

11. Get your proposal made into a -very- difficult jigsaw so that the message only becomes clear slowly as you both do it.

12. Get the ring embedded in a bottle of her favourite drink, in such a way that she can't miss it, and will have to break the bottle to get at it.

13. If she reads the comics, get a frame put in the comic with your proposal (can be done with most WP/magazine design/printers with perseverance)

14. Depending on your sense of humour/disgust level, have it turn up in, say, the cat litter, the dog's "doings" (I know it's gross, but it might ring some folks bells )

15. If you've got a pet that "fetches" things, get it to fetch the ring to her.

16. Slip the rung on her finger while she is sleeping then wait for her to notice

17. If you've got a year to spare, get a floral display or tree plantation made up to say "Marry Me?" that she'll see when you take her on a trip.

18. Drastic I know, but get a tattoo (or a false one) and unveil it slowly.

19. "Stage" something spectacular in your home - a police raid or SWAT raid or some such, and get them to give her the ring.

20. "Stage" yourself being a romantic hero, saving a fluffy bunny or something she loves a lot, and have the ring attached to the thing you save when you give it back to her.

21. Take her to a labyrinth or maze (or build one yourself!) and have it lead to the ring.

22. Sign up for a "Murder Mystery" weekend, and have the ring turn up at the denoument (The club you visit for the weekend will probably love to do it. This applies to other "Role-Playing" companies as well.)

23. Go to a "Vegas" style cabaret, and get the magician to produce the ring from her ear or some such place.

24. Write it in a song, or get it written in a song, and get it sung to her by someone famous (or do it yourself --- it worked for me!)

25. Further to number 16, take a picture of her wearing it while she's asleep, then take it off. Later, show her the picture and say "What's that on your finger?"

26. Have the ring delivered by carrier pigeon.

27. Have her boss call her into his office for a "dressing down", only to find you there with the ring.

28. Again, depending on your humour, hide in the ladies toilet in her place of work (best let the other women in on the deal) and surprise her. She won't forget it in a hurry.

29. Have it delivered by a man in a hot air balloon/ parachutist/hang glider

30. Get the ring embedded in a bar of soap and wait for it to emerge.

31. If she's into animals, visit a sanctuary/zoo, and persuade the keepers to have her "find" the ring on her favourite animal

32. Do it online...set up a web page that asks the question, and make sure it's her start up page at logon when you want the question asked.

33. Get a headline/front page of her daily paper for the right day made up and substitute it for the real one on the day.

34. Get it done at a staged semaphore/morse code/sign language/foreign language demonstration in such a way that she'll have to ask for a translation

35. Get it sewn in to handkerchief then arrange a drinks spillage after which you give her the handkerchief.

36. Go for a drive/walk/hike, get lost, and be given the ring by someone you just happen to stop to ask for directions.

37. At a fishing port or hunting lodge etc., have the ring be taken out a catch or kill. Again, gruesome I know, but someone will love it.

38. Similar to 36, get someone to pose as a tourist asking for directions, and, as he says "thank you", he also says "Oh, I believe this is for you" and gives her the ring.

39. Another gross one, get a joke shop "vomit" kit, pretend to throw up, and find the ring in it. Someone will go for it.

40. If you have any piercings, have the ring dangle from one.

41. Bake her a birthday/surprise cake, and have the ring inside

42. Attach it to her key-ring/key-chain/car-keys and wait till she notices.

43. Get a green-keeper at your local park/golf course to cut the message in the lawn/fairway/hillside etc44. Alternatively, do some creative topiary on a large hedge to spell out the message

45. Spell out the message in glass marbles under water in her washbowl/bath/swimming pool

46. Spell it out in large stones on a beach that can only be seen when you take her on a helicopter ride.

47. Get it done in a firework sign on the top of a building etc at a social occasion.

48. Under water, wearing scuba gear

49. Record the message and get someone to send it to her mobile while you're with her.

50. Get her boss to send her to a meeting, where it's you, and the ring.

WHAT EVERY WOMAN MUST KNOW ABOUT SOLVING RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

2007-11-16T10:07:00.000-08:00

Solving relationship problems eventually is part of every marriage and stronger those love bonds between partners are longer such relationships will be pleasant for both. Bible says "Wise woman will build her home but foolish one will destroy it with her own hands." Marriage is an institution on which is based whole structure of family. If your marriage is strong then your life will be more peaceful, you will be much better wife and you life will be filled with joy.

You have to be ready to spend your time, think and make an effort when solving relationship problems in the name of marriage. Tips that I list below will help to keep determination high and will bring some new life into your marriage. Something wonderful might happen - you could fall in your love with your partner all over again.

1. Look at good things and ignore badYou married this man because of many reasons - he has some great qualities. Your first task is to learn to find positive things in your relationship and ignore negative ones. This might be the hardest part because when you both meet each other and dated for some time you only saw good qualities in him but when you got married and are now living together your human nature tends to make you forget about those good qualities and see only bad things

2. Make a habit to ignore small irritating thingsDirty socks on floor, dirty dishes, his worn clothes and many other small irritating things are now part of your life. Just try to ignore them and instead look how he plays with kids, helps you at home and simply makes your smile. If you manage this then solving relationship problems will be much easier for you.

3. Every day say two compliments to himNow that you committed to ignore bad things and see only positive things it's time to tell him about those. This is key ingredient in your happiness and to his heart. In modern days there is so much negativity which forces us to not say compliments to each other. When we hear compliments it doesn't just make us satisfied with ourselves but also be happy about someone who told this compliment.

Compliments are not hard to say and they don't cost anything but they have big impact. It just requires small effort to say those. Just simple "Dinner was great honey", "Thank you for helping me clean the room" or "Your sweater looks perfect".

HOW TO SAVE A MARRIAGE BY GETTING OUT OF ROUTINE

2007-11-16T10:05:00.000-08:00

Everyone who gets married dreams about marriage that will last long and is the happy one. But when honeymoon ends and family life turns into routine with it's problems and conflicts then hope that these dreams will become true seem less likely and eventually this might get too far and lead to a question like how to save a marriage.

Of course I am not a guru in relationship issues who knows answers to every marriage or love related question. But when I want to learn reasons of something going wrong way or the truth about something I don't understand then I spend my time researching by reading books or browsing through the internet. I believe that any question I need an answer for has been answered by someone already so I need to just find it and decide if it solves my problem. Usually when I find something descent that seems to work my trust level into this resource increases and I continue trying what author of this resource recommends. In this case I wanted to find out how to save a marriage.

One thing I can say for sure is that when a husband and wife are both in consensus and willing to build their relationship then it will be beautiful and happy one which is essential for good marriage. But how to achieve this and what steps to take, what to do when love dies? Let's review some options that can help you understand how to save a marriage.

Well known expert in family and marriage saving Scott Haltzman says that brain of a woman and a man is different. That comes from the time when cavemen were after getting food for their family but women took care of home and children. But today women want more sensitivity which means they remember events from their emotional side but men tend to look at any events from practical side.

Haltzman believes that to save a marriage a man has to use his skills that make him successful at work, in conflict situations, in sports. For marriage to last a man should treat it as responsible task which he has to complete.

7 Practical relationship tips for a husband or ways to save your marriage:

1. Make your marriage as your workAs any other work marriage adds responsibility. Most important part of this work is to love and respect your wife, be faithful in emotional and sexual level, be honest with her, listen without interrupting, keep promises, help in raising kids. It might sound a lot at first but once you start doing even few of these things you will start seeing some changes in your relationship.

2. Get to know your wife betterWatch her at home, on a walk, in restaurant and in other places where you are together. Try to notice even slightest nuance in her behaviour. Try to learn what mood she is in at any time. Eventually you will understand more about her behaviour. It might be even possible to predict her next moves and because of this knowledge think about best options for yours.

3. Spend more time at home.If you follow this advice you will become as real host of your home. It will significantly boost your authority in her opinion and she will always be more impatient to see you back home. If you spend more time at home eventually you won't be wandering how to save a marriage.

4. Predict a conflict situation and let it happenThere is no family that would never get into conflicts but in this situation a man should restrain his competing tendency and not let bad emotions out. Your wife might think that she has won but you will know that it was slim move to control the situation and avoid consequences.

HOW TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE – MARRIAGE REALLY CAN LAST FOREVER

2007-11-16T09:58:00.000-08:00

It's a fact that more marriages end in divorce than those that last. It used to be that marriages really were forever. The phrase "till death do us part" was actually meant when it was uttered during wedding vows.

Now, we see or hear about celebrities who marry for 18 hours and couples that get hitched only to get legal status in one country or another.

Marriage is not a word that should be taken lightly, yet it is on a daily basis. But what do you do when your marriage is starting to fall apart, when everything you want is slowly slipping away?

You rescue it.

1) Rescuing the Relationship

To save your relationship, you must first figure out what is causing it to fall apart. Do you and your spouse talk about things, or are you too busy working and raising your family to discuss what's going on?

Have you gone on a date in the last six months? Do you fight and argue all the time, or has one of you cheated on the other?

What is causing the relationship to break down? Let's face it; you don't just wake up one morning and say, "I think I'd like a divorce today.

"In order to figure out what's going (or gone) wrong in your relationship, you need to take a step back from your feelings to observe what is going on.

If you fight frequently, write down the things you fight about. Write down the amount of time you've spent together in the last few days, and write down what you were doing when you weren't spending time together.

You will want to get everything straight in your head before you start to talk to your spouse about your problems and what you think might be damaging your relationship.

2) Talking - It Is Not Overrated

After you have gathered your information, approach your spouse. Make sure you go into the discussion calmly and rationally. You also want to make sure that you're not accosting or accusing, but rather asking and questioning.

If you go into the talk too aggressively, you are going to turn them off and nothing will get answered or resolved. Make sure you lay everything out on the table, from the things that are bothering you to the things that you wish you did more of together.

Explain that you want to know how your spouse is feeling, and that you care about where they want the relationship to go.

3) Scheduling

If you have a busy schedule, you may want to make an appointment to have this discussion. Actually, making a schedule for the two of you on a weekly basis is an excellent idea.

All parents know that children thrive on routine, which is why they have a time to wake up, a time to eat, and a time to go to bed. Relationships thrive on a somewhat of a timed schedule, as well.

For instance, I have a friend whose husband and herself spend every Saturday night together. They have young children, so most of the time they stay in instead of going out. They will rent a movie and either get take-out or some quick meal they can throw together once the kids have gone to bed.

They would leave the lights on in the living room long enough to eat their meal, and then, once that's done, they put the dishes in the sink (they will still be there the next day, so there's no reason to spoil the mood by doing them), turn the lights off and snuggle together to watch the rest of the movie.

They don't talk about anything except the movie, and make sure that they are touching each other as much as we can.

It is not "un-romantic" to schedule time to be with your spouse. Make sure that you get some time together, whether it's going out together, or staying in watching a movie. Sometimes you can pull out a board game, add some alcohol, and have a great night being silly together.

As you get along in your relationship, you come to take each other for granted. Spending fun, relaxing time together is one great way to get your relationship back on track.

If you're thinking about filing for divorce because you can't stand the fighting anymore, stop. Think about why you are fighting, and try to put yourself in your partner's shoes.

When you love each other and put a little work into it, marriages really can last forever.If you know DEEP in your Heart and Soul that both yourself and your Spouse and lover are meant to live your Lives TOGETHER,

SHOULD YOU GET A WEDDING PLANNER?

2007-11-16T09:56:00.000-08:00

A lot of brides don't think about getting a wedding planner until after the wedding. Not everyone needs a wedding planner. If you are going to plan your own wedding, you need to be very organized, responsible, and you should have plenty of time. Wedding coordinating takes time and that can be a challenge, especially if you work full time. You'll also want to have several family members or friends who are willing to assist; people who will assist you along the way in addition to serving as coordinators on your wedding day. If you don't have all of these elements, you should seriously contemplate getting a wedding planner.

If you're anxious about incurring the extra cost of a wedding planner, know that wedding planners are experts in their field and are skilled at working within a budget. They can often negotiate better deals or rates for you because they have established relationships with vendors.

You pay them to take charge of all the hidden details that you don't even know to think of. The role of your consultant varies depending on what you hire them to do. Coordinating and working with vendors, directing the rehearsal, assisting the wedding party and creating the wedding day itinerary are just a few of the jobs a consultant can take on.

Some wedding planners work exclusively with certain vendors and get x amount of dollars for each wedding they book for them. Make certain that if this is the case you are completely satisfied with the vendors your planner books.

Many brides are willing to coordinate the wedding but need assistance on the day of the wedding to ensure everything goes smoothly. Your planner may be willing to assist you on the day of your wedding only; inquire about the fees and charges for only this service.Wedding planners have several methods of setting fees. They may require a percentage of your overall budget; they might bill you a lump sum based on their estimate of the time they spend on your wedding[ or they might bill you by the hour. A efficient wedding planner is worth his/her weight in gold.

HOW CAN I STOP MY DIVORCE? SIMPLE STEPS TO PREVENT DIVORCE

2007-11-16T09:53:00.000-08:00

Are you trying to "calm things down" and they keep escalating toward divorce disaster anyway?

Your actions and words are killing you chances of staying married. Follow this simple plan if you want to pull your spouse out of "Divorce Mode" and save your marriage and family.

Here are some simple things you can do to bring your marriage back from the brink of disaster.

· Soothe things. But not with words-with silence. Just try to let everything calm down. If things are so heated that your spouse is screaming divorce a cooling-off period can't be bad.

You can do this-Just shut up and no matter what-DO NOT ESCALATE!

Stop letting the actions and words of your angry spouse dictate your behavior. When you plan and choose your actions you have some control. When you react to others no one is in control.

REMEMBER, Action=success. Reaction=Divorce. Control your behavior to take control of your life and save your marriage.

Here are some quick tips to calm things down and give you some time to put things back together:

1. If you have been fighting in front of the kids it has to stop now. You simply do not have the right to do it to them. And it's very harmful to them mentally and emotionally. Please stop it immediately.

2. Do not argue or belittle one another in front of others. Perception matters. Your union must seem strong to be strong.

3. Do not tolerate others speaking ill of your spouse. You must conduct yourself honorably.

4. Continue to be courteous and helpful around the house-even if you are not speaking to one another. The kids still need things and your home requires daily maintenance to be comfortable. If things are home are in shambles nobody will want to be there.

5. Be civil and polite. It shows strength. Human beings are naturally drawn to people that can be strong in the face of huge problems-Be that person.

OK. Now for some strategy. Be warned-some of this may seem unfair. The thing you have to ask yourself is-If I use my spouses normal psychological hot buttons to stop my divorce-have I done the right thing?

· Stop reassuring him/her. He or she obviously feel comfortable enough to ask you for a divorce. So how much reassurance do you think they need? Every step builds on the last so...· Make sure you implement the 5 tips above. If you can't control yourself none of this has a snowballs chance in hell.

Now continue to be civil and helpful but..

· Let them come to you. If you have even followed 1/2 of my advice things have calmed down quite a bit. So hopefully the lines of communication are starting to open up. You may be tempted to try to change his/her mind about the divorce. Sit tight-We have a plan.

· This is going to be hard but... You have got to give the impression that you are OK. This is especially important for men but works for women too. Most people are not turned on by, or attracted to, weakness. Try not to show any right now.

· Don't give affection-Return it. The idea is to reward good behavior. If your spouse shows you affection it is fine to return it. But don't go out of your way to kiss booty-it makes you seem needy.The Idea is to negotiate from strength to increase your partners perception of your value. Nobody wants to divorce someone who is more valuable as a person than they are. Simple human nature

RELATIONSHIP RUT – NEW LIFE FOR OLD ROUTINES

2007-11-16T09:50:00.000-08:00

There aren't too many things better than a peaceful sleep, right? You're comfortable, you're safe, you're getting important needs met. But what happens when you're sleeping so soundly that you inadvertently crush an arm for a while? The crimp in your circulation jolts you into wakefulness with the sensation of thousands of tiny needles. You've hit an overnight rut. Before you can enjoy slumber again, you have to massage life into the limb that was stifled by smothering stillness.

There's not much better than a happy relationship, right? You feel comfortable and safe with each other, you're getting important needs met. You have relied-upon routines that give structure and personality to the life you've created together. But what happens when, over time and initially without you even noticing it, some of your dual routines feel lifeless and still? What if they start to cut off the circulation to the rest of your relationship? What if, like that errant limb, part of your relationship has fallen asleep? You've hit a relationship rut. Getting over it might take a little more ingenuity and focus than rubbing a tingly arm or shaking pins and needles out of a leg, but it's well worth it for the longevity of your union.

Undoubtedly, sleep is a good thing for your body. Even when you crush a limb because you're in such a deep sleep, it's still a good thing and you don't decide to swear off sleep because that might happen again.

Likewise, relationship routines are good things. And rituals, as one facet of relationships, create a rhythm and predictability that allow for a sense of security. You don't abandon rituals and resign yourself to an ever-shifting landscape of chaos because you found yourself in a rut.Relationship Ruts

We all fall into relationship ruts. This doesn't indicate anything about your relationship other than it is normal. It's how you handle the ruts that might be a predictor of your relationship future. Do you shrug them off and accept boredom as the status quo? Or do you decide to bring back that mutual vitality you once thrived on?

A relationship rut occurs because one of your relationship routines is starting to squeeze the life-blood out of your marriage or relationship. It may be that a particular routine only affects a small portion of your relationship. But, like that newly numb arm, it may be all you notice for a while. You need to wake up that part of your relationship that has grown lifeless. If ignored for too long, the boredom and numbness is likely to spread to other parts of your relationship.

Is it really a rut?

The first step in shaking life back into your relationship is to locate ruts in your relationship. Just as feeling sad once in a while doesn't mean you suffer from depression, being bored with your partner or with the things you do with your partner doesn't mean you're stuck in a rut with him/her. Boredom is something we all feel from time to time, and fleeting boredom with aspects of your relationship doesn't signal a rut. Further, all relationships go through low points, especially if you and your partner are dealing with a great deal of stress.A true rut usually grows slowly and will be experienced over an extended period of time. If you and your partner feel like you've had a boring few days, that doesn't mean you're in a rut. But if you've been bored silly each weekend for the last six months (and if you're starting to dread time off from work), it is likely that your weekend routines have created a relationship rut.

Climb out of the rut

As long as you're willing to find time, energy and creativity, relationship ruts are generally easy to fix.With your partner, make a list of all the relationship routines that give both of you comfort and create a sense of safety. This list might include: eating dinner together each evening, going to the gym, renting movies every Sunday, visiting extended family...and so on. Discuss why these routines are special. What about them makes you feel safe and secure with your partner?

Then make a list of all the routines that you and your partner have grown tired of. These are the routines that are causing part of your relationship to fall asleep. When you identify routines that you both agree can and should be eliminated from your lives, do so. Unfortunately, some of the routines you identify as problematic might be necessary or fall under the category of "life maintenance tasks." In that case, brainstorm ways in which you might make small changes to make them feel different on some level.

Remember: even small actual changes can make a big perceived difference.

For example, you and your husband visit your husband's mother every Saturday. You don't feel very close to his mother (she doesn't seem to be fond of you), but, rather than insist your husband make these trips alone, you've accompanied him. However, these visits are contributing to what you've identified as a relationship rut. They mean too much to him to give up, though. Try shortening the visits by a half hour and institute a post-visit, playful, mutually satisfying routine. Perhaps there's a restaurant or museum or miniature golf course on the way back that you both agree to try. And then the focus of the day isn't just on your mother-in-law, but the time that you and your husband spend together in a shared activity.

Go back to your list. Now brainstorm a list of all the activities that you and your partner would like to add to the relationship. Choose something on this list and try it for several weeks. The activity should be fun and easy to execute. If it's not mutually gratifying, it shouldn't become part of your dual routine repertoire. Also, remember to mix things up a bit: rotating activities will imbue your relationship with the new life it needs and will help you avoid getting stuck in a future relationship rut

IS YOUR MARRIAGE IN TROUBLE – ARE YOU GROWING APART

2007-11-16T09:48:00.000-08:00

Is your marriage in trouble? So many people find themselves answering yes to this question.Why are so many marriages in trouble today? Why do we take our partners for granted & just go through the motions everyday? Remember what it was like when you were first married? Couldn't wait to get home to see them. Couldn't kiss, & cuddle enough. What happened? How did we get to where we are now? Do you feel like your only choice is between accepting things as they are now, no matter how bad they get, or leaving your partner? Are we really ready to give up??

So many people feel hopeless in their marriage. It's not that we don't love our partners, we just don't know how to fix our problems. They seem to overwhelm us. It's easier just going through the motions as long as we can. We put up with it because that becomes our norm, our habit. Until we just can't ignore it anymore.
Don't wait until it gets that bad. Until you or your partner look elsewhere for the happiness YOU once shared. Or you can't stand to be around each other anymore.

HAVE YOU REALLY FALLEN OUT OF LOVE WITH YOUR SPOUSE

2007-11-16T09:46:00.000-08:00

Why do we use the words, "fall in love" or "fall out of love"? What does it really mean to be "in love" with someone? First of all, understand that you cannot fall "in love" or fall "out of love". Love just becomes what it is when two people spend a lot of time together and get to know each other.

Marriage thrives on intimacy and closeness with one another and when that declines or discontinues couples feel they are no longer "in love" with their spouse, even though they still care for and love their spouse. So what does that mean? It means they are confused about what love really is.

Loving the person we married will not always make us feel good inside, no matter how good the marriage is or how close we are in the intimacy department. But if we want the feelings of being "in love" brought back in our marriage then we can re-ignite the passion of intimacy by doing something about the attitude we have of not being "in love" anymore.

You didn't "fall out of love" with your spouse, it's just that those feelings of excitement are gone and it is up to you to do something about it.

What I am saying here is stop basing your marriage on feelings but on principled acts of love instead. If you are looking for a feeling to keep your marriage alive then make that feeling happen! But don't sit around brooding over how you are not "in love" with your spouse anymore and want out of the marriage. Take responsibility for your marriage and do something about it.

We have to bring passion and excitement back into our marriage - it is not going to happen without our efforts! We only need to shift our attitude from needing to feel excitement for our personal happiness to creating excitement in our marriage for both of our happiness.

The more we keep looking outside the bounds of marriage for the feelings we are looking for the more tempting outside boundaries will become to us. The reason is simple, what we perceive in our mind eventually becomes a reality. If we dwell on how boring or bad our marriage is, we will create temptation in our mind and act on it. Is that what we really want?

What couples do not understand is they made their marriage to be what it is today. If their feelings are telling them that happiness is being with someone else then they are confused about what love in marriage is. It is not the feeling of dating or the feeling of being with someone else, it is the principled acts of loving and caring for someone until death do you part. It is not a feeling at all but actions.The most important thing to keep in mind if and when you do get tempted is that feelings don't last - they are temporary. But love is for a lifetime - it is real and can be made more complete by your principled actions of love. Remember, you're not dating anymore, you're married, and that means you have a duty and responsibility to your marriage.

7 WORDS TO LIVE BY IN MARRIAGE

2007-11-16T09:43:00.000-08:00

The institution of marriage is established in many societies. Although marriage guidelines vary from culture to culture, it consists of common fundamental features that help promote a healthy, happy relationship.

Contrary to popular belief, marriage does require a fair amount of work and nurturing from both spouses.

People fall in love, walk down the aisle, and expect to live happily ever after on autopilot. Though love, compatibility, and parallel goals play a huge role in the marriage, it's also critical that you make a conscious effort to fulfill your end of the deal called "wedding vows". Here are words to live by to assist you keep your marriage on track and get you through the tough times with your husband or wife:

1. Love with all your heart. You should give it your all - your unconditional love - to your spouse, soul mate, lover, confidant, and best friend. Your marriage should be your top priority.

2. Don't sweat the small stuff. It's so easy to get caught up in the world of nitpicking. If you're a worrywart or have a dramatic flair with a tendency to blow the most trivial matter out of proportion, you need to relax. It's not worth the aggravation to start an argument with your spouse over something miniscule. If you don't, he or she will ultimately begin to withdraw and develop feelings of resentment, which can potentially undermine your relationship. So, whenever you have the urge to assert yourself over something minor, take a deep breath and bite your tongue.

3. Patience is a virtue. No matter how wonderful your relationship is, you are bound to experience adversities together. The trick is to work through your problems and stay together for better or for worse. Who ever said it would be easy? Develop the patience to withstand the "marriage test" of time.

4. Practice random acts of kindness. It's important to say the words "I love you" and other sweet expressions to your partner. However, it's more powerful to exercise acts of kindness. After all, actions speak louder than words. Prepare your spouse a meal, pick up the kids from school, shower him or her with lots of praises and affection, or simply engage in a meaningful dialogue where you do most of the listening.

5. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Nobody is perfect. You will go through life together making mistakes along the way. In the process, you will end up hurting each other. The pain inflicted upon you can sometimes cause angst and bitterness. Let it go. You need to forgive, so you can move past the hurt in order to start anew with your spouse. Otherwise, those suppressed negative emotions will have adverse effects on your health and marriage.

6. Honesty is the best policy. Husbands and wives should not keep secrets from each other. This is a "no ifs, ands, or buts" rule. It's that simple.

7. Practice makes perfect. Communication, compromise, and other key components of a marriage can be challenging to put into practice. However, if you recognize their value and incorporate them into your daily affirmations, you will soon harvest the fruits of your labor.Marriage is a partnership and should be given the proper attention and nourishment it needs to survive and thrive. Marriage does take work and by embracing these "words to live by", you are on your way to a happier, healthier relationship.

SAVE MY MARRIAGE – YOU MARRIED YOUR FOR A REASON

2007-11-16T09:41:00.000-08:00

As you read this some of you are on the verge of giving up. You can't imagine staying in the marriage. You've tried everything you know of and still you are unhappy every day.

Your spouse is just not the person you had hoped they would be-or not the person you need at this point in your lives. You look around and see other people who seem to have fulfilling marriages and you feel cheated.
You feel like it must be over.

I have some good news: Your marriage may not be as dismal as you think!

Before you give up on your spouse, it's a good idea to start with why you married them in the first place.
Most of us pick a mate based on all sorts of criteria. The main criteria are often sexual attraction and emotional attraction. We have fun together-in and out of bed-and that's how we pick a mate.

In addition we usually come up with all sorts of practical reasons to give out conscious mind the rational excuses to get our swerve on, but those are typically secondary to our subconscious reasons. Attraction plus logical reasons equals marriage.

But once we get married there is more on our plate than just sexual attraction. Sometimes, under the intense light of real life, we forget the positive reasons we married and start focusing on all of our spouse's shortcomings.

Often, during these periods of forgetful mental criticism, we end up looking for the person our spouse is NOT and end up disappointed. She was carefree when we dated, now she seems irresponsible. He was a "lone wolf" who drove you wild, now he just seems to ignore you.

Before you throw in the towel think for a minute about who you married, why you married them and what that likely means for your future together. Chances are it will give you a much better (and more positive) picture of your future.

When we are picking a mate we tend to look at them without a critical eye. We love how their playfulness offsets our rigidity. We wanted to be more spontaneous. Sure (s)he lacked a little in the punctuality department, but who cares-(s)he made you laugh.

Keep in mind: Most of us marry someone who has a similar set of values to ours, but who complements ourselves rather than replicates ourselves. "Accelerator" personalities tend to marry "brake" personalities. Outgoing gregarious personalities tend to marry more subdued personalities.

So when someone marries a playful person, they are likely not as playful. They appreciate their spouse's playfulness, but they themselves tend to be the follower in play. At first it seems great.

What we fail to realize is that playfulness is also likely to indicate a person who, by nature, is not going to be hyper responsible when it comes to things like showing up on time, finishing projects around the house or paying the bills.

Sure (s)he can make you laugh, but right now you are more concerned about your kids' under funded college accounts.

The key to finding happiness in your marriage again is this: Accept your spouse exactly as they are. Love the things that attracted you in the first place. Enjoy the things that attracted you in the first place.

Be willing to pick up the slack in the areas where your spouse in naturally challenged and free yourself from resentment.

HELP SAVE A MARRIAGE

2007-11-16T09:39:00.000-08:00

After spending the better part of my adulthood totally against marriage, I baffled my family and my friends when I went and got married last year. I truly believe my husband and I can have a great marriage despite the negativity around most marriages we see. I'm sad to see so many of our friends now getting divorces or giving up on their marriages. My sister, for example, gave up on her marriage long ago because she feels her husband is selfish with his time. While he still lives his life as he did when he was single she stays at home looking after the house and kids. She has become so angry that she has trouble saying anything nice to him.

Another couple I know fights all the time because she feels he puts his work before her. She wants to be the first priority in his life and she is angry she isn't. And he is angry since he feels he has to choose between them.

They just celebrated their 12th anniversary. Some very close friends of mine have a great marriage but they are in such financial debt that it has put a huge strain on their relationship. She has to stay home with their baby so he is the lone breadwinner for the first time in their marriage. She has become frustrated since he seems to spend more then he makes. I'm not an expert but I hope that I can learn from these couple to help make my marriage stronger. After doing some research what my friends and family are experiencing is quite common. Their marriages are strained because:

1. kids
2. trying to fix up a home
3. have grown apart from lack of communication
4. have no quality time for each other because of kids or work
5. one of them is suffocating the other

I know there are a number of other reasons and the problems aren't that simple. Some of these problems stem from some deep-rooted resentment. How can I help save my marriage before these issues become our problems? Are my friends doomed to divorce or can they help save their marriages? Author of "Save My Marriage Today", Amy Waterman states, "You may not believe this, but very few marriages reach the point of separation or divorce without being pushed along that path by both partners. Both of you influence each other in ways that may not even be visible. That's why it is so crucial that you look at why your marriage is in crisis. Even a tiny change in your attitude, actions, or lifestyle can completely change the dynamic of your marriage. You have enormous power ... but only if you know how to use it."

So it's never to late, couples can bounce back. Wouldn't it be easier to help save a marriage instead of destroying it? My husband is my best friend, a best friend I never want to lose.

SHOULD YOU ELOPE ?

2007-11-16T09:37:00.000-08:00

If the thought of months of wedding planning and spending thousands of dollars for a single day event makes you cringe, you are not alone. Many couples think about eloping, but few couples actually go through with it. Eloping brings to mind a sense of spontaneity and old-fashioned romance. Running off to City Hall or Las Vegas and coming home Mr. and Mrs. May sound like a great idea; but before you commit to a thrill-filled, spur of the moment elopement, you should consider some pros and cons of your potential life altering decision.

Pros:

· You will save a ton of money - typically a weekend away (an elopement and honeymoon combined) will cost thousands of dollars less than a traditional wedding.· No hassle of wedding planning· You will avoid family arguments - especially if your parents are divorced or if one of your families disapproves of your mate.· It will be a fun, exciting experience - one that you both will remember for the rest of your lives.

Cons:

· You won't be able to celebrate with close family and friends (unless you take them with you)· Mother's of the bride may be upset that their daughter did not tell them or invite them to the wedding.· If your parents disapprove of your partner, this may cause even more family problems.

If you are still considering eloping, here are some ideas to bring the festivities home with you.

· Have a small reception when you return with just close friends and family

· Hire a photographer to take pictures of you around the ceremony location

· Invite your parents and/or close friends with you on your trip.

· Elope now and plan a lush celebration for your 5 year or 10 year anniversary - when you can afford it.

If you decide to elope make sure you check the marriage requirements for your destination. Many places no longer issue immediate marriage licenses, which is why Las Vegas has become such a popular wedding destination - quick marriages are easy there.

HUSBAND BOOT CAMP

2007-11-16T09:35:00.000-08:00

Husband Boot Camp, is designed around respect and understanding. How to treat your spouse. If you are putting up with a marriage that is give, give, give then sometimes just venting can be helpful. Getting advice can be even better, especially from someone who has been there and seen many relationships fail for lack of understanding.

A marriage is based on respect. Anybody telling you any different, probably is in a bad partnership. Respect is the foundation for the marriage--everything else such as: love, commitment, trust, etc. is built from this foundation. When it crumbles everything else fails. In addition, the respect must be mutual and not one sided.
One of the main problems, I see is people having expectations in a marriage. (stop never expect anything) Expectations drives disappointment, which drives contentment and finally feelings of resentment.

When you come home from work do NOT expect the house to be clean, dishes done, kids behaving, dinner on the table or anything. The only expectation you should have is for the deep feeling you have for your partner and how glad you are to see them--anything else is material and selfish. Always appreciate what your partner does for you to make your life easier NEVER take it for granite. If they cook dinner, do laundry, clean the house, tell them how much you appreciate what they did. A key point in this is when doing things for your spouse, never expect anything in return, even thanks--as your act should come from the heart.

UNCONDITIONAL AGAPE - LOVE

2007-11-16T09:33:00.000-08:00

Saving Marriages With Unconditional Love

In the middle of a session the other day I had a powerful realization. I was asked to think of a relationship I had with something in the last week that in my mind was the ideal relationship, and to think of what it was about that relationship that made it ideal.

A number of men in the group thought of their cars, tool sheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objects such as their television remote, recliner chair, or favorite pair of shoes. To each of these men, these things felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with these people or objects was rewarding and easy to maintain.

When my turn came to identify my ideal relationship, I thought of my dog. My dog has very simple needs, and it is the ultimate ego-boost for me when I get home at night and I am greeted in such an enthusiastic fashion. I don't know of any others that greet me so enthusiastically night after night. No matter how long I have been away from the house or no matter how my day has been. I call this unconditional love.

So what is unconditional love?

Unconditional love is the type of love that comes without conditions. It is the type of love that you have for your partner when the romantic, Hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you make the transition to "real" love. Real love is love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect. You know your partner has faults. You know your partner is not perfect. You know your partner makes mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. You still love them. This is unconditional love.

The same thing applies to you however in looking at your partner's faults. You acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults. You are not perfect. You know you make mistakes sometimes, but that's okay. That's called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections that people have.

So what do you get from this then? Should we all go out and get dogs to teach us something about unconditional love? Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here. We all clutter our lives with trials and tribulations, and there is the temptation to let our issues rule our lives. But if you are serious about saving your marriage you need to put the clutter to one side and let your unconditional love come through. It is okay to have faults and make mistakes. And love will conquer them all.

Have a think about unconditional love and how you can apply this realization to your relationship.
Because your marriage deserves better!

You may be making mistakes that will jeopardize your marriage recovery! My Save My Marriage Today course has helped save thousands of marriages and is guaranteed to deliver results or your money back. You can't afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the BEST information now! You have to learn what it takes to save your marriage.

FIVE WAYS TO KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE ALIVE AFTER RETIREMENT

2007-11-16T09:30:00.000-08:00

Divorce statistics for the over 50s continue to rise steadily. It has been speculated that the most common triggers for this are children leaving home or retirement. Couples suddenly feel they have nothing in common any more and marriages that have lasted for 25 years or more come to an end. Don't become another statistic. Follow these steps to keep your marriage alive and happy.

1. Talk to each other. It sounds simple but it is amazing how many couples no longer have meaningful conversations. Discuss your day, current affairs, your interests, share anecdotes you have heard on the radio and remember to talk about your feelings. If one of you does something that annoys the other then talk about it, don't bottle it up and resent the other.

Make a point of eating your evening meal at the table and talking to each other, rather than eating in front of the TV. This will not only improve your relationship, but also your digestion.

Couples who have strong marriages tend to be friends as well as lovers. "People who play together, stay together" is an old and true saying.When asked about the secret of her long marriage, Jilly Cooper said "Having enjoyed being married to Leo for 42 years, I can say that the secret of our marriage is bedsprings creaking, not so much from sex but from laughter at a million private jokes that hold us together".

2. Look for common interests. Find at least one hobby or interest that you can enjoy doing together. Do something different. Try something new together, maybe learn to dance, take up bowling or tennis, or join a club. Meet new people and acquire new skills.

Once you are both retired, share the household chores. It is only fair when both partners are at home to split the housework, cooking, shopping and gardening. Make the chores fun, see who can come up with the most interesting recipe from 5 set ingredients, who can plant the most bulbs in 20 minutes, who can clean the kitchen floor the quickest.

It is also important to have individual interests. Find at least one hobby or interest you don't share. This will give you some precious time apart as well as something different to discuss. It also creates the chance to form new friendships with like-minded people.

3. At least once a month go on a date. Have dinner, go to the cinema or theatre, visit a museum, take a walk in the country or along the beach. Ensure the date is planned in advance, is in both your diaries and is never cancelled. Take turns to decide what you will do.

Maybe even go away for the weekend occasionally. This gives you the opportunity to stay in a hotel where you won't be disturbed by people phoning or 'popping in'. You get to eat all your meals out, a great opportunity to talk and the chance to explore somewhere new.

4. Practice positive thinking. Happy couples stay together. If you make a habit of thinking positively you are more likely to be happy.

Count your blessings. Be grateful for what you have. List at least 6 positive things that have happened during the day before you go to sleep at night. (A beautiful flower, a bird singing, a lovely sunset, something someone said, a new piece of knowledge, a delicious meal, a good deed, good health, a task completed).

Positive thinking also has a beneficial effect on your health. Research has shown that patients with a positive mental attitude recover more quickly from surgery or trauma and that people with positive attitudes are more likely to conquer diseases such as cancer.

Check in with your feelings regularly and be aware of negative thoughts. Where focus goes, energy flows. Focus on what you do want, not what you don't want.

5. Spice up your sex life. Just because you've been married for a long time, it doesn't mean you can't try new things. You don't have to be athletic, maybe cuddle in a different position or make love in a different place. How about being spontaneous on the sofa? All too often lovemaking becomes a habit and we don't vary our positions or foreplay. Pretend you have only just met and explore each other's bodies all over again.

Take a candlelit bath together or massage each other - rekindle the romance.It is sad for all concerned when a long-term marriage breaks up so follow these simple steps and rekindle your relationship.

ENERGIZE YOUR MARRIAGE – 17 ROMANTIC NOTES TO YOUR SPOUSE

2007-11-16T09:27:00.000-08:00

Even though most people should come up with their sweetness off the top of their head based on how they feel for their partner, some people simply do not have the capacity to come up with their own ideas. Let's go ahead and give you some specifics to work with.

I have always said it's a very romantic idea to leave notes for your spouse. What do you say in those notes? Try a few of these on for size.

· I'm so glad you're my husband/wife· I smile when I think about you!· You make my life wonderful·

Remember when we said "I Do", well I still do!

· I'm so glad the "better" is more than the "worse"· When I met you, I couldn't believe how lucky I was. Since we've been married, I can't believe how lucky I AM!

· Without you, I'm just not me!

· You complete me. (Kudos to "Jerry Maguire"!)

· The most amazing part of my life is YOU!

· Let's run away together - to the bedroom!

· You make every day a great day.

· If I didn't have you, I'd be lost

· Thanks for picking me!

· We may not be perfect, but we're perfect for each other!

· Today is a great day because the first thing I saw this morning was your beautiful face.

· I'd do it all over again.

· Out of all the people in the world, fate led me to you. Thank heavens for fate!

They might sound a little cheesy, but, believe me, when your husband (or wife) reads those words, they'll swoon. Yes, even the guys will love it! Romance doesn't always involve candy and flowers. Sometimes it's small things that make your loved one believe that you are truly glad to have them in your life. Even if you don't have much money, you can come up with a great way to show your husband or wife how much you love them. Give them a gift!

MARRIAGE HELP – LIVING WITH YOUR CAVE MAN

2007-11-16T09:24:00.000-08:00

Have you ever suspected your husband is a cave man?

Guess what? He is.

But I didn't mean that just figuratively, I meant it literally. He shares many of the same brain characteristics of his more primitive ancestors.

If you take a few minutes to understand some of these characteristics you have the opportunity to use them to your advantage and live with your cave man rather than fighting him.

In cave man terms survival meant two things: Mating and providing. Having the highest number of offspring meant he would be most likely to pass his genes down to future generations. Once those offspring were born, providing them (and their mother) with adequate resources allowed them to grow to maturity.

In order to have surviving offspring a man needed to produce as many offspring as possible. Thus, men evolved to be constantly thinking about mating. They developed a desire for a mate with a healthy body shape and one where the woman had a narrow waist (meaning disease free) as well as wide hips (more likely to deliver babies), clear eyes, blemish free skin, physical symmetry.

Men also developed to desire to be the only male with access to the females. The so-called "Alpha Male" had access to the most (if not all) females in the group. The lesser males were also less likely to have as many surviving offspring so the characteristics of the alpha male became more prevalent in the group over time.So what were these characteristics?

The desire and ability to act alone, the ability to hunt (provide), a high sex drive, appreciation of what makes a woman physically desirable.

Now, stay with me as we look at the fairer of the sex.

For a female to thrive and have offspring she had to have a mate who could provide for her during the calorie expensive period of reproduction and child rearing. She had to have as few competitors as possible (meaning being the one who could consume the most resources provided by the male.) She had to develop a place to make sure her children were safe. She had to have emotional attachment to her offspring to nurture them into reproductive maturity. Sexual frequency was not as important since she only had a few days a month where she was fertile.

What, then, did females look for in a male?

Health-clear eyes, symmetry, skin tone, blemish free. Social power and the ability to provide the most resources, which usually meant physical strength and being as close to the Alpha Male figure as possible.Now for both of these ancient ancestors of ours these things were "hard wired."

Let's think about some modern day implication of these ideas:

When a man is alone and acting alone, his brain tells him he is safe. When someone or thing enters the picture his brain tells him it can become a threat.

He's pretty constantly looking for new mates-even if he's made a commitment to a single mate, he's likely to be drawn to visually appealing females (which is why your man wants to go to Hooters even when he's sworn off other chicks.)

A mate and her offspring are a drain on his resources. The best way to assure the survival of his offspring is not to focus on playing catch or Barbies, but on financial success and power.

He doesn't need a deep relationship with the mate nor the children. In fact, males who focused solely on relationship will find it difficult to provide for themselves and their offspring. Expending emotional energy is likely a negative.

When your man has a problem he is less likely to go to friends-or even his mate-to help him solve it. Alpha's didn't have that luxury. He wants to solve it himself.

At the same time he is exasperated when extra non-planned drains on resourses pop up. This runs counter to his ability to provide.How can you use this information to give you a better marriage? Well, you probably have already come up with some ideas. For more, feel free to download the rest of my book this is taken from using the link in the resource box. It's guaranteed to bring you both more happiness and fulfillment in your marriage.

REKINDLE YOUR ROMANCE

2007-11-16T09:21:00.000-08:00

As your marriage matures, it can be difficult to feel romantic about your partner. After many years together, you know all of his or her habits – both good and bad. Living with the same person for so many years can grow comfortable and cozy, but that cozy feeling can also feel a bit stifling.

Try these four tips for fanning the flames of your romance:

1. Transform Dinner into Dining: Cooking dinner for your partner night after night can end up being a daily grind. This week, choose on evening to prepare a romantic meal. Shop for special groceries, and prepare a luxurious meal. Use the dishes you usually reserve for holidays or special occasions, put flowers and candles on the table. Make dinner an elegant affair – bring back the romance.

2. Dance the Night Away – Take your partner out (or in) for an evening of dancing. You remember dancing – that fun activity you enjoyed when you were dating? It allows you a relaxing evening spent in close physical proximity with your partner. Can you think of a better way to rekindle romance? Get all dressed up and go out for a night on the town. Dancing is good for the soul, and it just might be what your relationship needs!

3. Make Time to Touch – Do you remember how often you and your partner touched when you were dating? Take time each day to include small touches. Rub your partners back. Hold his or her hands. Gently massage their neck if they look tense. These little touches can do wonders to show your love and affection – be sure to include them.

4. Send Love with Lunch – Order lunch to be delivered to your partner at work. Pay the bill over the phone, and ask that it be delivered anonymously with a note stating it is from “your secret admirer”. When your partner tells you about this gift, simply smile mysteriously.Use these four romantic tips to add a little romance to your marriage this week. After all, you’ve spent a lifetime investing love into this relationship – you don’t want to let it fizzle out. Remind your partner why you’re together all over again by adding some romance to your relationship today. Take the time to prepare a special surprise – it’s quick and easy to add some romance to your day-to-day life. Have fun and be romantic with your partner today. Take the time to show your loved one how much you care.

4 REASONS WHY MARRIAGES SUCEED OR FAIL

2007-11-16T09:14:00.000-08:00

No one gets married expecting to get divorced. Why bother in the first place? We are filled with hope when we say "I Do" to that other person. But the cold reality is that, the divorce rate in America is ridiculously high and is rising every day. Many people think they have to watch out for the infamous seven-year itch that comes about after seven years of marriage. Today, couples need to watch out for the two-year itch. Dissatisfaction in marriages happens earlier and earlier as people become more disillusioned with their dreams when they don't become reality as quickly as they think it should. And now, a divorce is easier to get than a driver's license.

Think it's a travesty? Maybe it is. But it's reality. So why do marriages fail? While the answers to that question are many, there is a growing body of research to suggest there are four negative risk factors that create barriers to oneness in marriage and increase a couple's chances for marital failure.

The First

This negative behavior patterns can have a hugely negative impact on a marriage. This occurs when partners respond negatively to each other continually upping the ante so the conversation gets more and more hostile.When a conversation escalates into an argument, this creates tension that can eat away at a marriage.

Each negative comment increases the level of anger and frustration, and soon a small disagreement blows up into a major fight.

Frequently there are threats to end the relationship. Over time those angry words damage oneness, and angry threats to leave begin to seem like prophecy. Once negative comments are made, they are hard to take back and drive a knife into the partner's heart.

The second

The next negative factor that contributes to the erosion of marriage is invalidation. Invalidation is a pattern in which one partner subtly or directly puts down the thoughts, feelings, or character of the other.

Invalidation can take many forms. Sometimes it can be caustic, in which one partner (or both) attacks the other person verbally. You can hear, and even feel, the contempt one partner has for another.

Sarcastic phrases like "Well, I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you" or "I forgot how lucky I am to be married to you" can cut like a knife. These are attacks on the person's character and personality that easily destroy a marriage. Research has found that invalidation is one of the best predictors of future problems and failure of a marriage.

Negative interpretations

These are the third risk factor toward a failing marriage. Negative interpretations occur when one partner consistently believes that the motives of the other are more negative than is really the case.

Such behavior can be a very destructive pattern in a relationship, and quickly erode intimacy and oneness in a marriage. A wife may believe that her husband does not like her parents. As a result, she may attack him anytime he is not overly enthusiastic about visiting them. He may be concerned with the financial cost of going home for Christmas or about whether he has enough vacation time. She, in turn, considers his behavior as disliking her parents.

When a relationship becomes more distressed, the negative interpretations mount and help create an environment of hopelessness. The attacked partner gives up trying to make himself or herself clear and becomes demoralized.

Finally, there is withdrawal and avoidance.

These are two different manifestations of the problem wherein a partner is unwilling to get in or stay in a discussion that is too threatening.

Withdrawal can be as obvious as getting up and leaving the room or as subtle as 'turning off' or 'shutting down' during an argument. The withdrawer often tends to get quiet during an argument, look away, or agree quickly to a partner's suggestion just to end the conversation, with no real intention of following through. Avoidance reflects the same reluctance to get into certain discussions, with more emphasis on the attempt to not let the conversation happen in the first place. A person prone to avoidance would prefer that the topic not come up and, if it does, may manifest the signs of withdrawal just described.The research shows that couples that want a good marriage need to eliminate these risk factors from their marriage, or else the negative factors will overwhelm the positive aspects of the marriage. It is never too late to put your marriage back on track

SECOND MARRIAGE SUCCESS – HOW TO STRENGTHEN YOUR SECOND MARRIAGE

2007-11-16T09:10:00.001-08:00

Pam voiced her frustration about problems in her second marriage:

"I couldn't believe it was happening all over again. Slowly but surely, my second husband started to do all the things my first husband did, and I reacted the same way. I panicked. I thought it would be different this time. I certainly didn't want to go through another divorce. I felt trapped."

An opportunity in disguise

While second marriages are more likely than first marriages to end in divorce, if you have remarried (or are thinking about remarrying), you're in the unique position of knowing first-hand about the challenges of wedded life. Too often people assume that because their first marriage ended in divorce, they need to turn their backs on everything that happened that first time around, and that there's nothing that can be learned from the experience. Think again!

In order to make your second marriage flourish, you'll need to cultivate an attitude of curiosity about the type of spouse you were in your first marriage--examining how you reacted to certain events. At this point you might be thinking, "I know exactly why my first marriage ended. My ex is wickedness personified, end of story." If your belief feels open-and-shut in this way, you will be asked to expand your view about your first marriage (unless of course, your first spouse was physically and/or emotionally abusive) in order to learn from the experience. Reflecting on the type of spouse you were throughout your first marriage will give you important information that can be used to build a stronger and lasting second union.

Relationship Habits

You bring the same personality traits and relationship habits to all your relationships, including your marriages. Let's call these habits your relationship tendencies. Under certain conditions relationship patterns that are particular to you will emerge. Some of these tendencies will enhance your marriage, others will detract from it. Understanding your relationship tendencies will give you control over building the second marriage of your dreams.

Your goal is to increase your positive relationship tendencies and to eliminate as many of your adverse relationship tendencies as possible. It takes hard work to become aware of and take responsibility for your potentially destructive interpersonal habits. But it is well worth it.

Adverse relationship tendency in action

Example 1:

Jonas's old girlfriends and his first wife often complained that Jonas would seldom communicate his relationship needs. Unable to voice his needs (which consequently meant his needs weren't getting met), he would become resentful. Over time, that resentment caused him to be emotionally distant. His first wife perceived Jonas's withdrawal as an indication that he no longer loved her. Even though he had been hearing the message about how frustrating and destructive his silence was for years, he never took it seriously and certainly never internalized it. That is, until his second marriage was in trouble. His adverse-relationship tendency was to remain passive and then become dissatisfied and resentful toward his partner.

At the time when he found his second marriage in trouble, he was mature enough and committed enough to his wife to take a giant step toward self-discovery in the hopes of saving this union. Because the feedback his wife gave him described something so ingrained in him, it was difficult for Jonas to understand her points. Therefore, they worked with a couples counselor, and Jonas struggled to recognize and overcome his adverse relationship tendency. He began working on asserting his needs in a clear and direct manner, and his marriage is stronger for it.

Positive relationship tendency in action

Example 2:

Regina, comfortable as a nurturer, found herself happiest in relationships where she could take care of others. Through her top priority of supporting her partner, she felt supported herself. If she felt her partner was upset or struggling, Regina would take steps to understand the problem.

Her first husband felt stifled and smothered by her nurturing tendencies. Rather than interpreting her behavior as a desire to care for and about him, he felt she was too needy and that she was intruding upon his natural wish for independence and autonomy. Regina avoided dating for a long while after her divorce, convinced that something was wrong with her.

But then she met and married a man with very different needs and a different emotional landscape from her first husband. Regina's habit of intuiting and verbalizing unspoken tension when she sensed her partner was unhappy worked well since her second husband typically wouldn't initiate such discussions. Regina's pro-relationship tendency was to ask questions when there was tension in the relationship in order to understand her partner better. This relationship tendency helped to feed intimacy that worked for both parties.

Reflecting on the above examples, it is clear that qualifying relationship tendencies does not occur in a vacuum. In other words, what might feel like a negative relationship tendency in one instance (Regina's first marriage), might be a welcome, enriching behavior in another (her second marriage). This speaks to the importance of recognizing your own tendencies and seeking a mate whose needs will compliment them-in other words, a good fit.

Time for Reflection: Take your relationship history

Think back to your first marriage (or any serious, committed relationship) and ask yourself about your positive and adverse relationship tendencies. What consistent feedback have you received from past partners about the way you communicate, express affection, and deal with conflict? If you've received the same feedback more than once, consider this a relationship tendency.Once you're aware of your tendencies, take steps to understand when they are most pronounced and develop a plan to replace them with pro-relationship tendencies.

This may involve forcing yourself to change one behavior that is associated with the adverse tendency. Sometimes changing one behavior can lead to significant relationship changes.

HOW LATE DO YOU ALLOW YOUR SPOUSE TO BE HOME

2007-11-16T09:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I was quite frustrated about the fact that my wife was home late and she forgot to abide to the pact we made many months ago.

The pact is to call home or drop me a message if anyone of us will be home late. We have to inform by 10pm.However, she forgot.

Even though I may be quite angered by this encounter, I told myself it was quite a rare opportunity for her to meet up with her ex-classmates.

I started to put myself in her shoes and imagined how fun it was to be if I were hanging out with my old classmates.

It was like so much things to catch up with so little time.

This is like a change of focus, from what was bad to the better side.

In fact, do you know what is the reason for informing?

I mentioned in one of my earlier post that informing the spouse of reaching home is not to seek permission if she could still hang out with her friends.

The purpose to inform is solely because the spouse respects the other party and does not want him or her to worry.

It is the same as how much a mother wants her own daughter to call home whenever she knows she will be home late.

Beside not letting the mother worries for no reason, this gives the mother ample time for her to react to the situation.

Does she need to get changed and pick her daughter up?

Or can she just nap for a while and wake up later to pick up her daughter?

Similarly, I need time to know if I need to wait for my wife at the lift lobby because then it was very late and it may be unsafe for a lady to wander home alone.

Though I do still quite angry while coming up with this post and yesterday's negative feelings were relinquished at this point in time, this post also serves as a reminder for me that the marriage journey is still long.

Whatever pact we have made all these whiles, I think both of us need time to process, digest, accept and internalise.

It may take a few days, a few months or even a few years for these to happen.

I know there are so many things that both a husband and wife can do together and there are tines that it may get confusing.But, one thing for sure it takes a life time of committment and partnership to make sure all these happen.

A FLOWER A DAY MADE HER SMILE EVERYDAY

2007-11-16T09:02:00.000-08:00

I know this blog will made the men loose more money and made the ladies reading out there happier.

Imagine your husband coming home everyday with a bouquet of flowers or something that you like.

In fact, the title of the post is too exaggerating as there is hardly any real story of ladies receiving a bouquet of flower each day.

If you have this luxury, please leave a comment.

As for my wife, yes she does receive flowers regularly but definitely not once a day. Flowers are too expensive to be bought once a day.

I bought her a bouquet once a month. It can be small, medium or sometimes, large.

Many of my female friends were complaining to me that the number of romantic stuffs done by their husbands drastically dropped after their weddings.

I'm not sure how true is it. Does it happen to you as well?

Beside spending less time with each other partially because both are dead tired after a long day of work, husbands and wives took it for granted that for the fact that they are married, it is not necessary to carry on being romantic.

I beg to differ.

It is because for the fact both are married, there is even more need to spirnkle more romance over your marriage life.

As a lady, won't you miss the romantic walks you had done when you were still in courtship period.
Won't you be envious when you see your female colleague who was just attached, receiving a big bouquet of flowers?

Won't you bite your teeth when you see how cuddly and loving young couples are in the public?

Perhaps you are once like them. Don't let marriage life stop you from bringing in more romance into your life.
These are 5 things I do for my wife most of the time:

1. Shoulder and back massage to relieve her tension.

2. Stroll round the estate at night and just chit chat for her to vent out her pent-up emotion.

3. Buying of flower for her to remind how how much I love

4. A small toy to reward her hard work in her job

5. A treat to thank her for taking care of me Some of these are free.

You can do it too.

EPISODE WITH MOTHER-IN-LAW

2007-11-16T08:59:00.000-08:00

Mothers-in-law are hard to manage.

You have to please them. You have to amuse them. You have to be their friends.

I know it is hard. How can one treat one's mother-in-law as a friend when she is actually half of a mother?

I know it is hard.

It is even tougher to address her as "mom" when she is actually not.

After my episode of the 45 minutes lecture by my mother-in-law, we met up a couple of days earlier for a dinner.

Initially, the situation was very tense, tenser than the times I was just about to give my speech in front of 300 people.

You can never image that kind of pressure put on yourself, unless you have a mother-in-law like mine.As my sister-in-law was telling us over the phone they were walking towards the restaurant, my adrenaline was pumping faster.

I couldn't breathe.

When she came, she was as expressionless as ever. However, a silent lake runs deep. You never know what were the thoughts in her mind.

The first thing to do is to greet "mommy" and then "daddy". The sequence makes a big difference.

The courtesy to see guests coming, especially my in-laws is to stand up till they are seated down.

The next step is to put food into their plate, partially because they have something pleasant to eat and won't talk so much.

The heart-warming thing to note was that actually things didn't turn out to be as bad as what we had imagined.Of course, there were some mild exchanges of gun fire but it was very mild and subtle.

The rest of the evening was filled with laughters and alot of catching up.

It is not easy. I can fully empathise with those who have really unreasonable parents-in-law who purposely blow small matters really big!The key solution is just to be more tolerant

EXERCISE HELPS TO KEEP A RELATIONSHIP STRONG

2007-11-16T08:53:00.000-08:00

I know exercising takes commitment especially when you need to literally drag the other significant half to the park to exercise with you.

Most of the times, we are bogged down with work. Who isn't?I'm glad my wife decided today to join me in an evening hike.

I thank her for her commitment as I'm sure it takes alot of thinking through to first put aside her work and join me in my exercise routine.

I know it is tough. It may be similarly tough for you to motivate your husband to join you in something you have always enjoyed.

In a relationship and especially in a marriage, it takes consistency to encourage your other significant half to be interested in your life.

However, before asking someone to be interested in our life, we have to be first interested in theirs.I know my wife wants to take part in salsa dancing. We have been pushing this plan off for the moment as we had taken up pilate classes earlier this year.

It was really fun having to spend the morning half of every Sunday to do stretching and breathing exercises with my wife.

So how can exercising enhance the relationship?

I know walking down an endless path in the midst of the jungle certainly help in creating more chances for us to chit-chat about anything under the sun.

There is practically nothing else to do except to walk forward while admiring the greenery on the side of the footpath.

The walk took about 1.5 hour and we spent the same amount of time talking.

Throughout the entire week, we really found it hard to talk as we were both very tired. We only managed to steal some time during dinner and before we sleep to find out about each other's daily life.

Exercising about makes us feel more refreshed and less temperamental. Sometimes, stress from work certainly overwhelms us and we just need exercise to recharge.