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MARRIAGES ARE MADE IN HEAVEN

MARRIAGE PROBLEMS

In today's world, marriages are under attack. Whether it is challenges within the relationship, a cheating partner, or the stress of the outside world, keeping a marriage alive can become a challenge.

I was in a 15 year marriage and, unfortunately, it fell apart. While there was no infidelity, the love we had vanished. Looking back on it, there were signs early that could have prevented this from happening. We should have been more open to one another, more available to discuss the challenges we were having, etc. Alas, it was not so, and we drifted apart and became roommates, rather than the soul mates we should have been.

It is not necessary for this to happen. Even if you are the sole person in the marriage that wants to make it work, you can do so. There are techniques that when used will allow the "problems" to be worked out and can save your marriage.

I have spent time looking at such techniques because I am marrying again soon. She is the love of my life, a true soul mate, and I do not want the same pattern to reoccur this time around. Further, I want others to benefit from the discoveries I have made.

It's not impossible to change the things that are wrong. A little attention to details, being open to looking at the signs of impending marital doom can save a marriage, bring it back to the days of early love and friendship. Are there issues of unresolved conflict, child issues, money problems, lack of intimacy, constant fighting? Want to know how to fix this?I can not help you, only you can help you. However, I can help you to overcome some of the challenges you are finding in your relationship. If you desire, deep down, to save your marriage, I urge you to stay tuned, as I will bring you methods that work, secrets to rekindling the love you once had.

HOW TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE

Each year in America alone, nearly 1 million marriages end in divorce. This is an incredible number! That would be as if all the citizens of Houston Texas were divorced (each divorce leaves 2 people).

The question is how many of those marriages could be saved. Unfortunately, that is an invisible number. If your marriage stays together, it is hard to find in the statistics. As Marian Wright Edelman wrote, statistics are stories with the tears washed off. Can your marriage be saved? If I could answer that, I would be a wealthy man. I can tell you that if your marriage is in trouble and you do nothing, the outcome is guaranteed. If you do something, there is a much better chance that your marriage will be saved.

And I can tell you, in four simple steps what you can do to save your marriage. You can start right now. But you must understand that I said "simple." That is not the same as "easy." These steps are not easy. They do, however, give you a path that you must follow if you want to change the destiny of a marriage in trouble.

Here are the 4 steps:

1) Quit the blame game. Stop blaming your spouse and stop blaming yourself. This is the first step because marriages get frozen into a pattern of blame that immobilizes any prospect of progress. Instead, the momentum gets dragged down and down.

Blame is our way of avoiding seeing ourselves clearly. It is much easier to point the finger somewhere and say "It's their fault." But in marriage, you can just as easily turn that pointing finger on yourself and place the blame there, saying "it's all my fault." Unfortunately, blame feels good in the short-term, but in the long-term, it prevents any shift or change. So, even if you can make a long list of why you or your spouse should be blamed, forget it. Even if that list is factual, it will not help you put your marriage back together. Blame is the fuel of divorces.

2) Take responsibility. Decide you can do something. Change always begins with one person who wants to see a change. Understand that taking responsibility is not the same as taking the blame (see above).

Instead, blame is saying "regardless of who is at fault, there are some things I can do differently, and I am going to do them." What buttons do you allow your spouse to push? What buttons do you push with your spouse? Decide not to allow those buttons to be pushed and stop pushing the buttons. What amazes me in my counseling is that everyone knows what they should be doing or not doing. But it is difficult to move in that direction. Don't be caught in that. Decide that you will take action.

The difference between blame and responsibility is this: if I am in a burning building, I can stand around trying to figure out who started the blaze, why it has spread so quickly, and who I am going to sue when it is over (blame), or I can get myself and anyone else I can out of that building (taking responsibility). When a marriage is in trouble, the house is on fire. How will you take action to save the marriage?

3) Get resources from experts. If others have been helped, you can be, too. Experts with a great deal more perspective and experience can be a real help in these situations. Do your research and divide the useless from the useful, then take advantage of the useful.

Don't assume that your situation is so different from every other situation. I can tell you that after 20-some years of providing therapy, not too much new comes through my doors. Don't get me wrong; the story changes, but the dynamics are the same.

Remember what Albert Einstein said, "The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking with which we created them." In other words, what got you into trouble will not get you out of trouble. That requires a whole new level of thinking. And that is what you get from an outside expert, someone with a fresh perspective.

4) Take action. More damage is done by doing nothing by taking a misstep. It is too easy to get paralyzed by the situation. Therapists often talk about "analysis paralysis." This occurs when people get so caught up in their churning thoughts and attempts to "figure things out" that they never take action.

It is not enough to simply understand what is causing the problem. You must then act! On a daily basis, I find people coming to my office with the belief that if they can just understand their problem, it will resolve itself. That simply does not happen. Resolution of the situation takes action.

Will your marriage be saved? If you follow my suggestions, you have infinitely more opportunity for saving your marriage than if you do nothing. Marriage is one of those places where it takes two to make it work, but only one to really mess things up. You can only do your part, but many times, that is enough. Resolve not to ask the question but to begin to act.

Are you ready to take action? Grab the best-selling resource on the internet for saving marriages: Save The Marriage, Even If Only You Want It!

INSTRUMENTS OF A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE

From earliest times of the ritual of marriage, couples were sent away with music of various instruments. Music is a major part of people's lives and often music is a big part of people's careers. If we compare musical instruments to the characteristics of a successful marriage, we find the keys to a lasting relationship.

Instruments that can represent the keys to success are cymbals, violin, harp, piano, and trumpet. A couple whose goal is success will work together to make beautiful music that will last up to and beyond the passing of a spouse.

Musical cymbals represent the harmony that is needed throughout marriage. You will find there are many factors that will affect the harmony of your marital roles. Changeable conditions like health, family unit members, environment, socioeconomic level, or personal aspirations can be like clanging cymbals. In an orchestra, conductors must blend cymbals to harmonize with the other instruments. A couple must work together to synchronize their roles as wife and husband. As you strive together with love, you will find harmony. Without harmony, you will be like two cymbals clanging.

The violin represents commitment. When you take your marriage vows, take them with the idea that your marriage will last into eternity. In making a commitment to marriage, the two individuals must blend together for success. A violinist depends upon a bow and a violin to make beautiful music. The bow and the violin are completely different. The bow has a function that is separate from the violin. Yet, the two parts perform together to produce a melodious sound. It is the same in marriage. You have different backgrounds, ideas and talents. However, it will take both of you to make the beautiful music of a successful marriage.

A harp symbolizes love. Love in marriage is like playing pleasing music on a harp with strings. A maestro is motivated by the love of the sound to practice many long hours to perfect his skill. In marriage love motivates the good manners of kindness and patience within marriage. Take notice of the little things that you love about one another. Recall these loving actions when things do not go the way you would prefer and when you seem to be clashing cymbals. Be willing to make sacrifices to keep your love strong. Loving gestures will reflect in the music of your marriage. During a musical performance, an audience often judges a musician's love of playing the harp by the expression on his or her face. Without ever saying a word, the maestro reveals his or her pleasure with the musical sound. In the similar way, couples that love each other will show their happiness and fulfillment in their actions and their faces, as well as their words. Disparaging remarks about your partner in front of other people is like a harp out of tune. When a spouse grows weary showing love to the other, often marriage will be discarded in divorce. Marriage partners are like a musician that plays melodious harp music; they reflect love and pleasure for one another.

Communication in marriage is often like playing a piano or organ with many different sounding notes. If a musician plays a wrong note or key on a piano, the listener is not pleased. In marriage if partners do not have open and frank communication with each other and God, the marriage will go off key and will suffer. Avoid worrying over the little things in marriage. Talk about problems. Discuss children, financial concerns, career changes and spiritual matters. Consider each other's opinion. Reflect upon the value of having someone to share your most important events in life. Open communication and careful planning often eliminates worry and anxiety and avoids the distasteful sound of wrong notes.

The trumpet of marriage unity makes a successful sound for a couple. Often a trumpet is played to show respect or reverence of someone's life. It has been said that a person often toots his/her own horn. In marriage, two must unify and merge into one family unit. You should seek to toot the horn of success together. When you are united through the bond of matrimony, seek the will of God in all your decisions. Call upon Him in Jesus' name to provide you with wisdom and guidance. Unify with politeness, forgiveness and kindness to one another. Show respect for your marriage partner. Proclaim the victory of your success by being respectful and honorable to one another. Be like a musician with a trumpet that sounds loudly and clearly.When a couple exchanges vows amid music and shouts of joyous celebration, two individuals are starting a new life together. As a family unit, they are like musicians performing a harmonious and melodious new song music with their instruments. Musical instruments like cymbals, harp, piano, violin, and trumpet can remind couples of the characteristics for a successful marriage. The sweet sounds of harmony, commitment, love, communication and unity are the instruments of a successful marriage.

COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN

It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.

This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don't know the first place to begin searching.

Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? "You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better"

I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I'm very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to "organize yourself better" really hurt.

I don't expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that "I don't expect you to cook my dinner every night" was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.

So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn't perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me.

Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.

PROPOSING MARRIAGE – FIFTY CREATIVE WAYS TO GET HER TO SAY YES

Many young men get into a twist when considering how to propose to their intended. This list is meant to offer some lighthearted support, and get their creativity sparkling like the diamond they are handing over.

1. Write it in lemon juice on paper. It disappears until warmed. You can say "Look, there's something written here"....heat it over a candle and "Presto", instant proposal

2. Do it at half-time, on-field, at a sporting event/theatre

3. In disguise wearing a costume that means something to you both

4. Get her to find the ring embedded in a favourite meal

5. Have the ring delivered by an express mail service at your table in a restaurant.

6. Have the ring delivered by her favourite celeb (might be costly, but most celebs are up for a photo opportunity )

7. If you have enough advance warning, get an author to write your proposal cunningly into a book you can buy, and be beside her as she reads it.

8. In weightless conditions

9. Record yourself proposing on video and get it spliced into the latest blockbuster movie on video/DVD, then snuggle up together to watch.

10. Find a tech buddy that can send interrupts to your TV signal or radio and do some creative splicing to propose "live" on TV

11. Get your proposal made into a -very- difficult jigsaw so that the message only becomes clear slowly as you both do it.

12. Get the ring embedded in a bottle of her favourite drink, in such a way that she can't miss it, and will have to break the bottle to get at it.

13. If she reads the comics, get a frame put in the comic with your proposal (can be done with most WP/magazine design/printers with perseverance)

14. Depending on your sense of humour/disgust level, have it turn up in, say, the cat litter, the dog's "doings" (I know it's gross, but it might ring some folks bells )

15. If you've got a pet that "fetches" things, get it to fetch the ring to her.

16. Slip the rung on her finger while she is sleeping then wait for her to notice

17. If you've got a year to spare, get a floral display or tree plantation made up to say "Marry Me?" that she'll see when you take her on a trip.

18. Drastic I know, but get a tattoo (or a false one) and unveil it slowly.

19. "Stage" something spectacular in your home - a police raid or SWAT raid or some such, and get them to give her the ring.

20. "Stage" yourself being a romantic hero, saving a fluffy bunny or something she loves a lot, and have the ring attached to the thing you save when you give it back to her.

21. Take her to a labyrinth or maze (or build one yourself!) and have it lead to the ring.

22. Sign up for a "Murder Mystery" weekend, and have the ring turn up at the denoument (The club you visit for the weekend will probably love to do it. This applies to other "Role-Playing" companies as well.)

23. Go to a "Vegas" style cabaret, and get the magician to produce the ring from her ear or some such place.

24. Write it in a song, or get it written in a song, and get it sung to her by someone famous (or do it yourself --- it worked for me!)

25. Further to number 16, take a picture of her wearing it while she's asleep, then take it off. Later, show her the picture and say "What's that on your finger?"

26. Have the ring delivered by carrier pigeon.

27. Have her boss call her into his office for a "dressing down", only to find you there with the ring.

28. Again, depending on your humour, hide in the ladies toilet in her place of work (best let the other women in on the deal) and surprise her. She won't forget it in a hurry.

29. Have it delivered by a man in a hot air balloon/ parachutist/hang glider

30. Get the ring embedded in a bar of soap and wait for it to emerge.

31. If she's into animals, visit a sanctuary/zoo, and persuade the keepers to have her "find" the ring on her favourite animal

32. Do it online...set up a web page that asks the question, and make sure it's her start up page at logon when you want the question asked.

33. Get a headline/front page of her daily paper for the right day made up and substitute it for the real one on the day.

34. Get it done at a staged semaphore/morse code/sign language/foreign language demonstration in such a way that she'll have to ask for a translation

35. Get it sewn in to handkerchief then arrange a drinks spillage after which you give her the handkerchief.

36. Go for a drive/walk/hike, get lost, and be given the ring by someone you just happen to stop to ask for directions.

37. At a fishing port or hunting lodge etc., have the ring be taken out a catch or kill. Again, gruesome I know, but someone will love it.

38. Similar to 36, get someone to pose as a tourist asking for directions, and, as he says "thank you", he also says "Oh, I believe this is for you" and gives her the ring.

39. Another gross one, get a joke shop "vomit" kit, pretend to throw up, and find the ring in it. Someone will go for it.

40. If you have any piercings, have the ring dangle from one.

41. Bake her a birthday/surprise cake, and have the ring inside

42. Attach it to her key-ring/key-chain/car-keys and wait till she notices.

43. Get a green-keeper at your local park/golf course to cut the message in the lawn/fairway/hillside etc44. Alternatively, do some creative topiary on a large hedge to spell out the message

45. Spell out the message in glass marbles under water in her washbowl/bath/swimming pool

46. Spell it out in large stones on a beach that can only be seen when you take her on a helicopter ride.

47. Get it done in a firework sign on the top of a building etc at a social occasion.

48. Under water, wearing scuba gear

49. Record the message and get someone to send it to her mobile while you're with her.

50. Get her boss to send her to a meeting, where it's you, and the ring.